too bad you live with your parents still
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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