Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
