We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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