I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
