WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
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I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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