Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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