I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
