There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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