We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
