I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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