One girl and one boy is just not enough.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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