Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
