My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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