3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
