Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
