Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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