the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
