I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
