I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
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Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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