Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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