I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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