I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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