She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
