Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
