My room smells like vodka and shame
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
