They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
