Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
