So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
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I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
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So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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