Michael Bay diarrhea
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
