If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
