Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
