we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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