I must be too annoying 4 u.
Christians are straight up FREAKS
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
