Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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