i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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