i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
