i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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