the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
