It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize