So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
sex in a hospital.. check
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
