Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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