I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
