Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
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