3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
