I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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