I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
