so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
now i know why i became what i already was.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
did you just send me my own nude
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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