Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
