Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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