There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
