i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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