I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
