I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
