He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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