I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
