your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
