Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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