I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
