Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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