Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize