great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
