Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
we're so committed to being not committed
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
